Below is a quote from Dietrich Bonhoeffer, a German Lutheran theologian from the 20th century:
"Nothing can make up for the absence of someone whom we love. And it Would be wrong to find a substitute -- we must simply hold out and see it through. That sounds very hard at first, but at the same time it is a great consolation, for the gap as long as it remains unfulfilled preserves the bond between us. It is nonsense to say that God fills the gap. God doesn't. On the contrary, God keeps it empty. And so, helps keep alive our former communion with each other, even at the cost of pain."
Yesterday, March 11, was the 7th anniversary of my mother’s death. Each year it brings with it all kinds of emotions….from the joy of remembering a particularly happy memory to the depths of sorrow and grief. I did miss her terribly yesterday.
But each year I am reminded of this quote. To remember that the depth of grief is just as deep as the love that we shared. When we love another person, whether that be a parent, a child, a spouse, a friend, we take the risk of losing them, even to death. We love hoping that the physical presence will always be there. But, in reality we know that that is not true. Death does come and we become separated physically.
I am reminded each year on her anniversary how even though she is gone from time and space, she lives on in eternity. Her spirit, the very life that God gave her, lives on. So, the gap, that empty space that lives in me because of her physical absence, remains open and wounded. It hurts. But, I cannot and will not fill it with anything or anyone else because that space is sacred…it is reserved for my mother, her life, her spirit, and her love.
This is true for all of us, especially when we need God. In the empty space that is filled with hurt and pain, we are called to allow the very life and spirit of God to come and fill it with peace, life, and love. This allows us to keep the communion alive that we share with each other, with our loved ones who have gone on to eternal life, and with our loving and faithful God.
Fr. Mark
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Beautiful reflection!
ReplyDeleteThank you!
I will always remember the comfort you extended to me when my mother died; just as we were becoming friends. Your Mother (and Dad, too) gave you so many gifts that I/we have been able to share in. Thank you for sharing and reminding us of the special pieces of our hearts that are reserved for those whom we love and grieve for.
ReplyDeleteYour words today were especially thought provoking. Having the word "prodigal" defined and allowed for clarification I've not had before. Thank you.
I find it ironic that I came to this blog today 3/15 which is the 18 anniversary of my mother's death. Ahh Beware the Ides of march. I just interjected that for association and nothing more. I agree with your thoughts that nothing can or will fill that gap which was reserved for the love I had for my mother. Life goes on as do the special memories I have of my mother. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
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